Haley Hatch Freeman's true story is a testimony that there really is a Future for Tomorrow. (More info below about her book and scheduling her to speak.)
I only wish my friend Melissa had that same chance.
October 21st, seven years ago, was the day my friend Melissa passed away. She died from an eating disorder. I won't attempt to explain this disorder in any great detail; however, I would like to share some insights I've learned that have changed me forever.
Melissa was only 19 when she died from complications stemming from Annoexia, an eating disorder that affects 1 in 10 girls (See Center for Change WEBSITE.
http://www.centerforchange.com/). At her lowest, Melissa weighed only 79 pounds. She was 5'7". She battled annoxeria for six years, beginning with some body image issues at 13. The white board in her room spoke volumes of the dialogue that went on in her head. Written in black were these words: "FAT IS NOT A FEELING." She had learned that while in treatment at the Center for Change in Provo, Utah. Treatment had worked for a while. But soon even expensive counseling and the intervention of her family, friends, and doctors would not bring a cure for my friend.
The night before Melissa died, I sat next to her hospital bed stroking her hair and singing to her "I am a Child of God." Watching her skeleton chest heave up and down while hooked up to all sorts of tubes, I reminisced about the day trips we took in my Jeep with my three little kids in tow. Melissa's parents both worked full time and when it got to the point that Melissa needed to be with someone all the time her parents entrusted me to take care of her. I loved having her with me. We visited her dad at Orchard Street Market. We shopped at Wal-Mart and went to see the flowers at Thanksgiving Point. I taught her how to crochet and how to make Tortellini with cream sauce. She would paint my daughters' toenails and liked listening to Cherie Call, Mercy Me, and David Tolk. Any outing tested her physical stamina to the max because she was so frail and weak. She got Pneumonia and her condition worsenened. The night she left my house to go to the hospital, I knew she wasn't coming back. Her physical body had had enough.
At first I thought, "Why can't someone MAKE her eat!" But I learned so much about eating disorders. Particularly that it isn't about food. And MAKING someone eat is only a quick fix. And a fix that sometimes is as impossible as parting the red sea.
Eating disorders are complicated and, although, I am not a doctor or a professional, I have learned some very important insights. Melissa's choices, early on in her teens, as innocent and naive as they might have started out, set into motion consequences that she was not able to reverse. Choosing to starve herself and then binge and throw up had damaged Melissa's body to the point that her immune system became weakened preventing it from staving off other illnesses such as pneumonia and infections.
I know there are other Melissa's out there who are struggling with an eating disorder and experiencing confusion about their body. They need outreach, intervention, love and acceptance, and, often times, they need medical and psychological help.
All girls, at some time or another, struggle with body image. We can help these young women by setting good examples and developing a strong body image of our own. We can teach and reinforce gospel truths about the body as being a temple for soul. We must also understand the way WE view our bodies, as adult women, will have an effect—whether it be positive or negative—on how our daughters and other girls view their bodies. Dr. Ira M. Saker, author of
Regaining Your Self: Breaking Free from the Eating Disorder Identity: A Bold New Approach, has treated eating disorders for more than three decades. He states:
"…the family environment has a huge influence. If the family is very preoccupied and concerned with food, weight, and appearance, they can pass this concern on to their kids. I've had patients as young as five tell me how worried they are about eating the 'wrong' foods and getting fat. Children who grow up seeing constant dieting, constant concern about weight, and constant working out, absorb the messages that food is the enemy and appearance is all....Parents can assist in their child's recovery by becoming teachers by example."
Melissa's parents are at not at fault for her eating disorder—not at all. They did everything they could to help their daughter. And I love them dearly. This is just a reminder that as parents, and especially as mothers, we have to be vigilant and very careful in how we view and treat our bodies so we don't negatively influence the young and vulnerable. ALL women can do something to help influence young girls' body image in a positive way. In fact, we have an obligation, as women of faith, to model a healthy body image at all times, in all things, and in all places.
Shortly, after Melissa had passed away, I was standing near a group of women in the hallway at church listening to their conversation. One of the women said, "Oh, I've just got to lose these 5 pounds so I can look good when I go to Hawaii." Another said, "I've just given up. I'm never going to be thin." Another said, "I've starved myself all week so I could eat dessert." Another said, "I've exercised all week and I still haven't lost a pound!"
At that moment, I looked over to my right and quickly realized several young women were standing close by. They had heard everything. They were 13, 14 and 15—and each of them had a very puzzled look on her face. These young girls looked up to these women as their leaders and examples and these women had just committed a great "faux pas." These young women were not yet mature enough to filter out grown-up "nonsense." Ironically enough, this all happened, the Sunday after we buried Melissa. (Oh, the damage we can do when we are not watching ourselves.)
Since my experience with Melissa, I am very careful to always talk positively about my body in front of my daughters or anyone else's daughters. I try hard to reinforce optimal health, getting enough exercise, eating good foods, and eating enough of them to keep my body strong. I also let my kids see me indulge in my favorite treats so they understand that food, in and of itself, is not bad. A body needs a Hershey bar now and again! The key is moderation.
Broccoli is best. But cookie dough won't kill you. (Don't tell my grandmother. She thinks I'm a
re-covered cookie dough eater.)
Teaching my children to be grateful for the body God gave them and helping them to love and appreciate that body, in its unique and special design, is my job as a mother. I desire to help my children make choices based on eternal truths, doctrinal principles, and Church standards. And I do it in memory of my friend, Melissa.
Getting HELP? If you or a loved one needs help, don't put it off. And don't doubt for a moment that God won't help you, because He will.
A Future for Tomorrow is a truthful, heart-felt account of a woman's journey to wellness. Haley has included journal entries and has chosen to be "real" about her experience in battling anorexia. It gives us outsiders an inside look into the mind of someone with an eating disorder. Haley is blessed now to be recovered and is a wife and mother to two beautiful kids. She shares her story and teaches classes so if you'd like to schedule her to speak contact her at:
http://www.haleyhatchfreeman.com/.
Other resources for eating disorders:
